Thursday, 12 June 2014

Goodbye, Goodbye

Good friends goodbye, for now... its time to go. 

...But hey I say, well that's okay, because I'll see you very soon, I know. 

For those of you who don't know, these lyrics come from one of my favourite songs form my childhood. A special song that in a facade allowed myself to believe that the good days would continue to roll by, those astronomically happy days from those days where you freshly broke double digits in age, days you wish you cherished a little more. 


I've come to grips with myself in the fact that a part of me will never want to grow up. My bedroom is filled with posters from every year form 2001 until today, with every year's addition of poster a reflection of what i still feel and wonder about inside. That is to say, it starts off with Pokemon, Digimon, Yu-Gi-Oh, and finishes off with concert posters, Bioshock propaganda pieces and autographed signs of famous actors. Not the greatest of reflections, I have to concede. 

 Before I go to sleep I occasionally look around my surroundings. The days of watching Digimon transform into greater beasts, the wonderful imagination that I held after it finished, drawing hours upon hours of inanimate sketches. Going outside every day to play handball, having the three Muskateers feel inseparable in our friendship. It saddens me that I look back on that time, and while my life now is filled with insight, wonder and amazement modern day psyches bog me down and it looks to stand so weakly in contrast. Its something that we all come to terms with at some point in our lives, the fact that out childhood is over and what we were and what we felt in those moments simply won't be retrieved in our current, linear paths. 

I hope it isn't misinterpreted to say that we won't feel any sense of childlike wonder in our years to come. But the things that amaze us will have to be relative. Travelling still amazes me and fills me with excitement at the revelation to immerse myself into another society, boots on the ground and all. But it is a financially draining and time consuming task (which I will still continue to devote the greater portion of my income to), and it must be said that this sort of luxury is only available to us in the wealther sect of the world. Growing up now, some days I wake up sad and I have no idea why. It may be the early signs of something greater to come, but I feel that it never gets to that stage of required assistance. Those days where I feel like I have accomplished nothing. The small lies that I tell to people accumulate and create a pressure unknown in angst. Those days where I suddenly feel that everyone around me is living amazing lives, devoid of problems and worries, despite my rationale already in certainty that this is untrue. Our brains are tricky things, scientifically made up of chemical reactions, matter and nodes zapping one another. But on a entirely different level they are so creative and destructive in what we can build up, and potentially tear down.

The past is gone, enjoy and treasure the fact that awesome things have happened. Reminisce those moments past playing with those robots, watching those TV shows. Cherish the moments now at birthday parties, exploring new places, and meeting new people. Look forward to the turbulent life that you hope to live in the future.