Thursday, 14 November 2013

Kangaroos on George St.

A boy wakes up. He wakes up trepid, wondering what he's going to wear that his peer's are going to validate, his hair is nice and groomed, and that he looks presentable as he goes out the door. On the way there he see's people that he would like to company on the dreary ride to and from school, but every day he keeps quiet as not to feel out of place. He sits and idley looks outside the passing landscape through the window.

At school he hides behind a mask of quiet contentment, where inside turmoil of nervousness and ill fit belonging in his circle is greatly apparent. Everyday he spend his recess and lunch in almost the same way, wasting away in rooms playing cards, talking in trivialities as the days pass by, taken for granted, in a weak, soft state of mind and spirit. He was at the stage to go through puberty but he never acted on it in any meaningful way. His friend's circle stands precariously fragile. His marks dampen, he lives life like a soulless robot, waiting for the days to pass by and things to magically "change" by themselves.

If you haven't figured out already, boy was me throughout the majority of my years from year 8 to year 10. Year 11 and 12 turned out to be amazing for me, but today one of those days that reinforces with with such clarity, through seeing a specific act, to the extent that this detrimental state of mind was destructive. Constantly looking for external validation in those days rendered my personality, curiosity, interests and dreams mute. My wonderful ability to write stories, draw and paint, talk endlessly about my passions were slowly eroded in this new vegetative state which I inadvertantly kept myself in through lack of action.

What act did I see? I saw one of my friends from Germany hopping around George St. like a kangaroo as he approached random girls he found attractive and talked to them.

Sure he looked stupid. What was the point of it? None really, it was more of a spur of the moment kind of thing. Were passerby's looking at him? Probably. How about the girls that he was about to approach, surely they would pre-emptively judge him? They probably would. But the sticking point for me was that he doesn't GIVE A CRAP. Wearing little outside of broad shorts and a jacket he went out there and did exactly what he felt like. Smashing through the ideas of validation, going ahead with his intentions clear and straight. What a wonderful display of what we all should be doing more.

This was a night that I saw, with the two guys beside me, the great extent to which self built confidence, and the fact that they don't GIVE A CRAP can take you. My best friend said that to be successful in the game you have to be Delusional and Shameless. By sheer coincidence I was called that by my ex girlfriend, and I will take on these two traits like badges of honor. Delusional in my self worth and confidence to the point where it solidifies into my being. Shameless in my ability to try things without care for others people's opinions, into the big wide world outside of my comfort zone.


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